Things to make you think (but not too hard)

Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!*

 

Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue!
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can't push.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!*




A few non bowling gags

Sign on the door of a vet’s waiting room, ‘Back in five minutes,  Sit……Stay’
 
A sign over a gynaecologist’s office: “Dr Jones, at your cervix”
  
On the door of a plastic surgeon’s office: We can help you pick your nose!”
 
At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.” 

On a maternity room door: “Push, Push, Push,”

In the front yard of a funeral home:  “Drive carefully We’ll wait.”
 
A sign in the non-smoking area of a restaurant: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take apprioruate action,”
 
Ad  on the side of a plumber’s truck: We repair what your husband fixed,''
 
Another slogan on the truck of a plumbing company; “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call a plumber''